Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
