so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
