Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
