Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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