there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
