Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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