so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
