Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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