Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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