yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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