im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
