i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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