4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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