I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
