Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
