Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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