Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he fucked my hip out of place.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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