a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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