I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
