Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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