On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
