You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
