No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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