i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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