walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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