It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
