Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
