Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
