living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
