I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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