smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
