I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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