just come out here and I will go home with you...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
