Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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