Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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