Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
