Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He keeps bees of course he's weird
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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