yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
