so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
