right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
