to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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