4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
