I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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