Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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