i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize