Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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