As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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