God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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