Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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