Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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