You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
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its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
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Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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