Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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