love makes seman taste better
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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