What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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