Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize