Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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