I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
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I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
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I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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