So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
