So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Did I show you my penis last night?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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