If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I think people are normalizing furries
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
