mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I could make wine with my vomit
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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