when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
