He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
