i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
