if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
